Farewell, 2020

Toward the end of the year I was very excited to finally start and introduce another phase of dorianunmuted (remember this?), and I was looking forward to all that would come of it. But alas, 2020 got a hold of that, too–Angie is no longer able to continue due to personal reasons. In the very first few moments of finding this out I was so confused and full of questions: but I’d just gotten the hang of that! But I had all this planned! But I thought this was what I was supposed to do next! Per my usual when I get caught up in myself and up no longer looks like up, I had a few calming meditation sessions to refocus myself and see if I could better figure out what this next step will be, let alone if there is supposed to be a next step at this time. I believe I’ve figured it out and will be excited to share it with you early next year.

In the meantime, we have a year to say goodbye to–we can’t start a new year before finishing the previous-now-soon-to-be-old year. I’m at the point now where I almost hate to say 2020 out loud, like I should refer to it as “the year that shall not be named” in order to avoid conjuring up one more catastrophic thing. The year that seemed endless is finally, finally coming to a close. So many things happened, personally and globally, that made my jaw drop time and time again. This past year was the train wreck we never wanted to see but couldn’t help doing so because we were literally living in the thick of it. Often I would think to myself, if I was reading this in a book, this would be hilariously funny/sad/ironic and I’d be snorting out loud, yet it’s my real life so, another sip of wine, yes? Just like I did when some of my own personal things didn’t go as planned, I questioned the global ones as well: but, why? Why this? Why that? Why now? The same answer came back every time: it was always supposed to be so and it was always going to happen this way. No matter what we were doing ten years ago, 2020 was always coming for us. Some people got through this year with nothing more than a few scrapes and scars while others fared far worse, or unfortunately just did not make it through.

This past week was full of astronomical activity, some of which has not been seen since the Middle Ages. Last night I pointed my own camera up at the night sky to feast on some of what was happening. I was excited to capture this picture of the Orion Nebula (the second picture is the same as the first with “hints” for those who need it):

Do you know how far away it is from earth? 1,300 light years. One light year is the equivalent of six trillion miles, which means this celestial thing I was able to see with my own eyes and the magic of some curved lenses and camera settings is 7,800 trillion miles away. As the profundity of this sank in, that every detail down to the cloudless night had lined up perfectly for me to be able to see these stars, so too did the realization that though the year that shall not be named was not the year I wanted to have, it was exactly the year I was supposed to have. It was always going to happen this way, and being able to let go of the endless questions will allow me to fully let go of this past year and embrace the excitement of hope that the anticipation of every new year brings. I was not ready for 2020 but I am most definitely ready for 2021 no matter what it brings, and I hope you are, too.

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